Wondering

Wonder \Won"der\, v. i. [imp. & p. p. Wondered; p. pr. & vb. n. Wondering.]
1. To be affected with surprise or admiration; to be struck with astonishment; to be amazed; to marvel.
2. To feel doubt and curiosity; to wait with uncertain expectation; to query in the mind; as, he wondered why they came.
Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)

Do you ever have one of those time periods where you start to wonder? Who am I? What does God want me to do? How? When? Where?

I've been doing a lot of wondering lately about several issues. I'll share a couple of them.

The most urgent issue has been to reevaluate our schooling options for "The Short One". After getting some counsel from a friend, doing further thinking, and discussing it with my hubby, we've agreed that we should stay on the track we are on for now, which is homeschooling. Admittedly, it's a challenge to keep him motivated and on task, especially since I'm working from home. But there are some specific issues that would make it difficult for him to switch into public or private school at this time. We have done more evaluating (and second guessing) with him than we ever did with the other two. But we're in a much different spot in life with him.

The biggest issue, which is still up in the air, is the whole missions thing. Are we cut out to be missionaries? Are we too old and set in our ways? What sort of position should we seek and how should that relate to our gifts? Where should we seek to serve? For a long while, we thought those questions were answered and the main question was when. Then our basket of expectations and assumptions was thrown into the air, leaving all the questions floating around our heads again.

On a personal level, I'm much more aggressive and impatient than my hubby. He takes lots of time to think, mull over, react, and evaluate than I do. That's why he is a good balance for my impetuosity. I have to watch myself to make sure I'm not pushing my passions onto Mark but rather following his lead. When do I nudge? When do I wait? (If I hadn't nudged, we may never have had children!)

I pray that God will give me wisdom. On a personal level, of how to act (or not act) and what he wants me to be. On a family level, what he wants US to be.

I need to remember the words of a wise pastor I know:

"God's more concerned about who you are than what you do."

Amen.