Angst

I am struggling with doing something that someone in authority requested that I do.

I don't mean a direct command. More a firm suggestion given because they think it would be good for me. When I decided to take on this request, I wasn't fully aware of what all it would entail. (Thus the first photo. I couldn't decide which sign best reflected how I felt, so I used all three.)

My problem is that because of differing philosophical points of view, fulfilling the request is frustrating, irritating and unsettling. It reminds me of being in a geology class in college. I had to learn all the different eras that happened billions and billions of years ago even though I didn't really believe the earth was billions and billions of years old.

Where does one draw the line between being true to self and submitting to authority? What is requested doesn't lead me into sin (except for my own bad attitude). It will win favor with the authority figure -- and possibly future authority figures -- but winning favor should not be my motivation for complying with a request.

This particular request will entail many, many hours of effort over a long period of time. A heavy investment for something your heart is not in. And a long time to harbor a bad attitude. Don't worry. I'll either convince myself to have a good attitude or decide not to fulfill the request.

Maybe I should have been in the military so that I would have been forced to learn obedience without question. Or maybe I should learn from Nike and "Just do it!" Or maybe I should take a stand and challenge the validity of the request.

Please pray for wisdom for me. I don't want to be a rebellious troublemaker. But I don't want to compromise who I am and what I believe. As the Serenity Prayer says, I need "wisdom to know the difference" whether this is something I should accept or change.